@dangayle

The incredible exploding whale

In case you’ve never seen this, or in case you forgot, here is the YouTube video of the exploding whale from Florence, Or.

I wish Spokane had an ocean beach, so that a whale could wash up on it so that we too could blow it up. But it would have to be an old whale, past its prime, dead from natural causes. Because I don’t condone that, the whole “whale blowing up” thing, if the whale were like alive and stuff.

Save the whales.

Bob Newhart on Mad TV

If you haven’t seen Bob Newhart’s cameo sketch on Mad TV, you haven’t lived:

The Wilhelm Scream

The Wilhelm Scream is so epic, I’m pretty sure it was the sound Judas Iscariot made when right before he splattered his guts after falling.

Cross this off your bucket list

Because I know that watching me eat a jalapeño bagel with ham and cheese is at the top of everyone’s bucket list, I present to you in all it’s full technicolor majesty:

Dan Gayle eating a jalapeño bagel with ham and cheese!

You may now cross that off your list.

My weird dream. With dolphins and buzzsaws.

Ok, so I woke up this morning, late for work. But before I did, I had a dream. Here it is in all its weirdo glory, just so I don’t forget.

It starts with a dolphin

So there’s a dolphin. We’re sitting next to a beach, and there’s an injured dolphin. I don’t remember why or how the dolphin was injured, thus it goes with most dreams. Several kids and myself, apparently I am a kid at this point, successfully help the dolphin swim back to sea and we all joyously jump around with joyful jumping.

(This, BTW, is an actual dolphin that I found on the beach when I visited Cannon Beach, Or.)

When I turn around, we transition into the backyard of a Minnesota-esque lake home. (So, yes, apparently there are dolphins that swim in Minnesota lakes. They feed off the bird-sized mosquitoes. You heard it here first.)

As we usually did every Fall, my family and I were helping my grandparents chop wood. Except, of course, that it was Summer in my dream. People were cleaning up this, and cleaning up that. Raking leaves, that sort of thing.

And then a ginormous tree falls on my head. Well, not on my head, around my head. It was like a great big oak tree with lots of limbs and leaves, and it spread out over something like 40 feet across. My dad, as dads tend to do in dreams, had an axe and was standing at the base of the tree, yelling at me for being in the way, as was usually the case in reality.

Enter the buzz saw

On the ground underneath the tree was a large buzz saw, the type of which you would imagine Snidely Whiplash trying to cut a tied up Dudley Do-Right with. Now folks, these saws are dangerous. (See the movie “Walk the Line” about Johnny Cash. His brother gets dead by one…)

(We actually had one that looked just like this, sitting in my yard in Mn. It was so cool. I think it’s still there. I’ll have to ask.)

I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to knock the buzz saw to the ground, while it was running. The saw blade broke off the machine, spinning across the yard.

Into the lake.

“Not again! We just got that back out of the water!”, my dad yells at me. And thus I discover the hows and why’s of the injured dolphin.

The End.

Ace Ventura Rhino Birth – Funniest Scene in the History of Ever

I don’t care what anyone says, the “rhino birth” scene from Ace Ventura – When Nature Calls is the funniest scene ever caught on film. Sure, there may be some close contenders, but this takes the cake for Funniest Scene Ever, according to Dan’s Über Best Movie guide.

Rhino Birth – Funniest Scene in the History of Ever

Other Awards

Here are a few other scenes that the Dan’s Über Best Movie guide gives awards to:

The Black Knight – Best Action

The Battle of Wits – Most Thought Provoking

One Out of a Million – Most Romantic

Nolan Ryan vs Robin Ventura = Walmart Profiteering!

I was reading a recent article about the Seattle Mariner’s pitcher Cliff Lee getting ejected from a Cactus League spring training game, when someone posted information about a scuffle between Nolan Ryan and Robin Ventura way back in the day.

As a kid, my favorite player was Nolan Ryan. He was like 80 years old, yet still better than most other pitchers. What happened one day was that Ryan beaned Ventura with his first pitch, and Robin didn’t like that so he charged the mound.

Walmart memories

Hilarity ensues, as Nolan Ryan calmly puts him into a headlock and starts whipping him with his fists of fury. It’s so humorous, if sadly violent, that Walmart sells autographed photos of the beating. The fact that they sell that photo is way funnier than the actual fight. Way to go Walmart!

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